Choices

Choices can be a liberating and dangerous freedom. With any choice, I think thyself usually knows the best decision yet is influenced by surroundings and expectations. Logic vs emotion. Wants vs needs. Big or small, choices are the decisions that guide us forward. Short-term or long-term. Solicited or unsolicited.

So goes the merry-go-round of life. I love that in my current circus of life, any decision I make today can be easily changed tomorrow due to the non-demand of long-time commitment. It is what thrills me. It is what makes me want more. It is the life-blood of what keeps me going.

The roller-coaster ride of changing my mind four times on any given day makes me want to stand in que for the ride all over again. Yet I wonder why...since it has the same effect as the ride which makes your insides turn outside. You know the one I'm talking about. The amusement park can be a taunting and exhilarating joy ride which you can escape when the park closes. I suppose it's a thrill. I sense it's a comfort. I know it's staple.

I actually keep waiting for the day when enough is enough. Shouldn't I want the life that we lead outside the amusement park? Yes. Am I ready for that life again? No.

The tragic clowns are doing their magic. The battered elephants are performing their tricks. The unhealthy popcorn is hot and buttery. The obnoxious crowd is waiting with anticipation.

I extended my visa for another three months.
~ Jen ~